Soviet Humor, for South African Comrades.


14 Jan

Jokes about communists have no class.

Communist jokes are like foods, not everyone gets it.

"watcha doin, comrades?" "we're demolishing the brick factory" "but we need bricks!" "that's why we're demolishing it"

Here are some jokes from Soviet Russia.



Rabinovitch, do you often read the newspapers? " "Of course, how else would I know that we live a happy life?"


Old man walking down the red square and says loudly thanks Stalin for happy childhood then a man says to him" but Stalin wasn't ruling when you were a child" the old man said "for this I thank him"


Three drunk soviets are sitting in a car: one of them is driving, the other two are wondering why he's sitting in the backseat.


From socialist Romania: In a bathroom: “Have we got any hot or warm water?” “Yes we do but it’s cold”


Two KGB agents together. 

Agent #1: "Comrade, what do you think of our glorious Soviet Union?" 

Agent #2: "The same as you do, Comrade." 

Agent #1: "Comrade, you are under arrest!"


In an obscure town of central USSR, a guy enters a shop and asks to the shopkeeper: -I'd like a loaf of bread, please. -I'm afraid you're mistaken Comrade, here is the shop without meat.... the shop without bread is next door.


Hans, a man from West Germany decides to move to Eastern Berlin. His mother tells him: Hans, my boy. From the first moment that you cross the Iron Fence, you are in dangerous territory. Don't dare to write to me that there is something bad in a communist country. In your letters, you will use a blue pen if you are telling me the truth, and a red pen if you are lying. About 2 weeks later, the first letter arrives, and every word is blue. My dear mother, The 2 weeks that have passed were enough to make me love East Germany. The people are great, the system cares about everyone, and generally, there is a very pleasant atmosphere. The only negative is that I can't find a red pen anywhere.


Why do KGB agents travel in teams of three? - One can read, one can write and the other one keeps an eye on the two dangerous intellectuals.


Stalin visits farmers near Leningrad, and asked: "how much potatoes do we have for the winter." The farmer says: "ooh...we have enough potatoes to reach the feet of God." Then Stalin says: "this is the soviet union, there is no god." The farmer is relieved and answers: "good there ain't no potatoes either."

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